Sunday, October 30, 2011

Ten Part Rant On A Sunday Morning


First snow this morning, and though there are a couple of inches at my house, the short ten miles between my house and work is far enough that there is nothing on the ground as I sit at my office desk. I came in at six on a Sunday morning after looking outside at home and saw the snow covering my walkway. I put on clothes and got ready for work on my day off, thinking that the walkways here would be equally snow covered.

They are not.

Truck, work, snow. Damn.
The wind is blowing off the lake with a fury and there is snow falling. It just isn’t sticking to the ground. So after after a long ride in this morning behind a snowplow that may have touched twenty miles per hour once when going down hill, I wait and wonder what to do besides eating a five day old doughnut and drinking the awful coffee that is provided for free here at work.

(Can I just say that sometimes free sucks? We get free coffee at work, and we eat for free at the campus dining hall. Both experiences are generally terrible but because both are free, it is difficult to complain. What can you say, really? This is terrible! I demand better! Then some smart ass will point out that you can just reach into your pocket and pay for better. True. But I think I reasonably low standards when it comes to food- the half eaten doughnut in my hand should be proof of that- and so it is demoralizing that finding myself faced with a standard even I have trouble tolerating, that complaining is taken from me as well. Funny how the big wigs can screw you even when they give you something for free.)

First snow, which here is just strong wind, cold, and soggy ground.

Second annoyance is Blogger, which for some reason has stopped tracking page views for individual posts. No point in having a top ten list of posts on my blog if I can’t track popular posts. You know, that sucks, too.

Thirdly. (Step away now if you haven’t already because I’m not sure I can stop.) Thirdly, I have three more weekends left before my New Zealand trip and as the weather is going, I’m not sure that is enough time to get my shed built. Too many damn projects, not enough time.

Number four. After thirdly, the numbers just sound stupid by adding the ly, when before they sounded cool and that sucks.

Fifthly (see?). It’s still dark and it’s almost seven in the morning.

Number six on the annoyance list. I am still trying to carve out time to get my editorial calendar up and running. So far my calendar has added headaches instead of relieved them. I can now see my inadequacies and the tremendous amount of work ahead of me.

Seven. I watched part of Twilight with the wife last night and having never seen it before, or read the books, it crushes me that someone with so little talent, judging by the half hour or so of the movie I saw and the accompanying story (if it can be called that), has managed to make so much money. What business do I want to join where so much garbage is rewarded and so much that is truly special, left ignored? There has to be better written vampire stories than the one I saw. Has to be.

Am I on eight? Yes. I have to write a style guide for my blog. Having never done so, I have tension. Anxiety. A confused furrow lives almost permanently on my brow, potentially marring what little is left to my looks.

Nine. Candy temptation is too great at this time of year. I have trouble dealing with my own impulses without having to worry about mass impulse control problems. If I have a candy addiction, so be it, but when millions of people are sharing the same addiction- well that just sucks even more. How can I escape when everyone has secret stashes of candy that guilt makes them share or their perverse need to thrust addiction onto those around in an attempt to assuage their inadequacies?

Tenthly. This sounds like a cantankerous Andy Rooney tribute piece. That sucks.

And I’m done. Deep breath, count to three, do a mental check and yes, back to normal- only twelve degrees out of plumb as usual.

Now for the snow...

5 comments:

Penelope said...

Fourteenthly.....

I know! I know! Twilight! OMG! I have not read any of the books (I personally hate YA), nor had I seen any of the movies, but my 8 year old daughter convinced me to watch the first one. We were so bored, we started playing cards during the movie. At one point my daughter said "This is the worst movie ever." And she's eight!!! My favorite part is when Edward says "you have to see the real me".....and I'm expecting a hideous, grotesque, vampirish image. And then.....sparkles. hee hee! Excellent!

Snow, what snow. I see nothing! *covers eyes*

MT Nickerson said...

Fifteenthly...

Yes. It was about that point, when Edward starts to sparkle, that called it a night. Uh, really?

And the snow... I will remain indoors until it melts. I have decided.

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Okay, I am now officially crushing on you! Yes, you nailed my Twilight issues and my (since yesterday) bite size Butterfinger issues. OMG! And my bad coffee issues and you channeled Homer Simpson - Doh! - with the doughnut story.
Oh, you will love Penelope. She's a hoot!
Sparkly vampires. I know. Could not believe it. It's like my daughters' sparkly powder - the stuff they put on their dolls. Sparkly talc.
Snow? What snow? I'm out here in perfect land. :)
Oh and blogger hates my ass so I'm of no help there.

MT Nickerson said...

Thanks, Julia. You know what's really great? Ate an old, old doughnut and after that- everything else was awesome.

You have to get the right aging to really appreciate a doughnut, I believe... or is that just me?

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

The doughnut thing is just you. I like my doughnuts super fresh. Once upon a time when Krispy Kreme was still popular and politically correct, you could stand in the line and they'd just hand you a hot doughnut. Now that was livin'!